Why does it have to be this way?

Last night I dreamt about Anthony again. I don't know why I work dreaming about.

I pulled up to my friends house in a white truck, I have no idea who's truck it was though. I parked in the driveway and walked up to the door. I rang the bell and rang it once more. I walked back to the truck and started to back out of the driveway to leave when I noticed my friend standing in the doorway. I put the truck back in park and got out. I went up the steps and apologized for not showing up when I was suppose to. But I'm here now, let's have fun. We walk inside and out to the backyard. It's night and the backyard reminds me of a new Orleans, with its huge field of a yard. It's dark and almost scary but not. There's a bonfire in the middle and thats when I see Anthony sitting there on the Victorian sofa next to the fire. There's maybe about 6 to 10 people here. Some sitting on the log and chairs around the fire others standing and talking. I stop not knowing what I should do. Should I go over and say hi? Should I leave? Should I avoid him? Finally my friend comes over to me and introduces me to some girl sitting on the log. Minutes later my friend says let's go outside to the front yard to take a group pic. We all start to head that way. As I walk out the front door its day again and the victorian sofa is now there on the front yard atop of the white greyish stones.

Then all of a sudden I start viewing my dream as a 3rd person as if I'm watching what's happening rather then being apart of it. My friend and I begin walking towards the sofa. Behind me, Anthony comes walking out of the house and he sees me for the first time in years. I see him smile as if seeing me after all this time has just made his day. He smiles as if he's missed me and is so excited to see me (I'm crying as I write this now because of how it all makes me feel). He walks up beside and stands there, I turn and see him and the look in his eyes the smile on his face and all I can do is turn my head and look away from him. Viewing it as a 3rd person now I see Anthony's face and see his smile fade away. He looks sad and hurt but he knows why I've turned and his face shows guilt. Seeing this as a 3rd person all I can think is, "why does it have to be this way?" And all I want to say is, "I love you." But before anything else is said and done I wake up. The dream was gone but all those feelings and emotions I had in my dream were still fresh in my reality.